It started to feel like culture was a luxury the world could no longer afford. Everything seems too messy, too divided, as if singing, watching movies, reading novels, or wanting to be an artist were indulgences only the elite could afford. And I didn’t want to be that person.
But now, without internet, my mind has stopped clinging to the noise of current events. It’s learning to breathe again. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Look around your life. Pick up some garbage off the floor. Count the rolls of toilet paper you have left. Do the dishes. Do the laundry. Do everything that is mundane, because I can still find beauty in it.
Every sound of life feels more precious to me now. It’s as if I’m learning to see the world through the eyes of someone alive, not someone endlessly trying to stay connected, but someone simply here, existing independent of society, a being without a name.
What do I ask of life? I want to know. I want to know more about this world, I want to know and grow and see whatever that I could, and feel. Power is of no interest to me, since it seems like those in power are clueless, so unaware of the reality. And why? Because no one tells you the hard truth. “That none of us is better than anyone else.”
That is the hard truth. We are no better than anyone else. Our life is as meaningless as a speck of dust, and trying to give meaning will only distort the reality to our liking. No music, no piece of poetry, not even art truly gives meaning to life, it only feels so at the moment.
And I stay tuned to my meaningless desire, like now, I want to know and learn what pleasure brings to life. I am searching for a way to experience pleasure without feeling degraded, without putting myself in danger. Is it a game too safe to play? I do not know, but if we forbid pleasure, life would be too tedious. But with it, it is too dangerous. A pleasure seeking life is something I do avoid, but avoiding it also seems like refusing to face the truth.
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