I woke up in the morning, it's time for work. New Year's was not bad. I got to spend some time with my family, travel and see the world. All the noise I hear every day from YouTube felt smaller when compared to the reality that I am facing. "Walking"—that's it. That's the ultimate purpose of life. Everything else is mere supplement to the wonderful walking you can experience in a lifetime. Even literature? Of course, even literature. I think the dogs would agree. "Literature? What's so fun about that compared to sniffing around and knowing the world?" (Bow) "I have no idea." (Wow)

However, my short stay in the city, which started off so perfectly, with me walking around a nothing-nothing town, feeling and feeling, finding nothing and buying nothing, just as I intended, ended up quite torturous. I forgot my sleeping pills, and the city hotel where I longed to stay for quite a while became a hellish place for me. Locked up in a bland small room with a queen-sized bed and no views from the window, sleepless and having nothing to do. I watched a film, "10 Dance," just because I heard the hype.

"Give me a break." That's what I felt watching it. Everything about it felt inauthentic -- the storyline, the romance, the landscape, everything overly controlled. I didn't understand how the protagonist ever fell in love with the other boy. What I saw was, well-tamed dogs, running the dog race, receiving all the applause without knowing the world. And they fell in love, naturally, because they are oh so beautiful. In a perfect world where flawless boys dance together, that's what happens, right? Beauty attracts beauty. The laws of gravity. Whoever doubts it does not understand. All the other people are mere extras that do not deserve the spotlight.

Well, at least I lost two hours and six minutes of not sleeping. I turn off the lights, lie down on the bed, waiting in vain for drowsiness to approach. But my brain is hyped up, energized for no reason, blood running through it without stopping, like the night in a city. Maybe my body does not know there is such thing as "night". 

"But no one wants you. Do you not worry. you silly girl."  But perhaps its the night. where no one can see, where the truth reveals itself, no longer conscious of the spotlight,  in that moment of silence, that my body feels frightened, because it knows the reality of human-beings.