I started watching "Dying for Sex". It's been a long time since I've felt like watching a TV series. All I've been watching are YouTube videos about political affairs, and it was making me feel sick and powerless. 

 Work is alright. I stopped expecting too much from others. Yesterday after work, I was talking to my sister on the phone and wound up in an area I usually do not go to. I withdrew some money from the ATM and went to an Indian restaurant nearby. Something was fishy about the place. The staff were outside greeting people, which felt more like a brothel than a restaurant. A man guided me upstairs to an old elevator with a silver door. He said something to me, which I do not remember. The restaurant was fine, with light pink walls and a large window facing the street. But everything on the menu felt a bit overpriced. The waiter asked if I wanted drinks, I said no. I was seated at the table and then a waiter brought me a glass of lassi. "It's on the house." A nice gesture for sure, but still I was not impressed. The greeting on the street, the small talk in the elevator, and the welcome drink on the table seemed more like an excuse for the overpriced menu. 

 But perhaps it's me.  

 The curry, as I expected, was just like anything else.  A kind of curry you can find elsewhere. 

 When I was leaving, the waiter looked at me in the eyes for some approval, like I needed to confirm that he was a good man.  "Thank you", I said to him. Being polite is a gateway to heaven. Avoiding unnecessary conflicts can buy you some time you need. 

 In the past, I relied so much on others to give meaning to life. I was an open book, where any word can land, an equal opportunity giver. Not anymore. My heart rarely opens. "There is no place for this." "I have no time for that." Picky, selective, ruthless, and I think I like me that way.