I just watched a clip of a room tour. A young man with smooth skin and shiny hair, a designer living in a stylish room with antique gadgets placed all over. And I do not envy it at all. It looks sophisticated but tiring. My room is a mess right now; I stopped cleaning up because my energy is so low.

Watching the news makes me anxious. It's so chaotic and immoral. What is going on? I mean, why the fuck? Everyone seems angry, at least from watching the videos on YouTube. But isn't there a way to stop this nonsense? No one seems happy about the war, but who cares? "Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I am not yet completely sure about the universe." Einstein once said. 

So, let's keep on bombing people and destroying things. For the sake of what? Even the president seems to have lost the cause, asking for help from the allies. A comment says "What allies, though?"

Apologize. That's the line that keeps on coming to me. Apologize, especially to the parents who lost their child for a meaningless war. Face them. Talk in front of them. Reporting it is not enough. Face the reality. Where are the journalists? I mean, where are the humans? And they do all this for what? Protect children?

Vanity. It's all because of vanity, to fill an empty ego. Because they do not know what to do with life but fight. Fighting is endless, and winning, perhaps, gives them the adrenaline that they crave, but it won't last. They want more. Or else? Silence. That's what they are afraid of: silence and emptiness. The feeling of not knowing why they are living, the raison d'être. They are too lazy to contemplate it, so they seek awards, applause, likes, retweets, you name it, whatever reward they need.

Looking at the clip of the boy who lives in the stylish room, I yawn. The painting that he bought at the flea market looks very ugly to me. He's just pretending to know what art is. I know, why be so harsh to an innocent boy who just wants to look cool? But I feel like that is the beginning of everything.

It's okay to be uncool. To be who you are. To lose at times and make mistakes. It's better than pretending. If you pretend too much, it becomes a pretense, and then you won't even be able to tell whether it is a pretense or if you really mean it. And you lose it. The meaning of life, the raison d'être, the essence of yourself. It all becomes a pose. How scary is that? Stay uncool. And so, I've decided to use my old iMac, as long as I can. Because it works. And someday, probably, people would notice the beauty of old gadgets and buy it for an unbelievably high price.